


Alamort

by tteotl1718



Series: Loving the Enemy [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Clones, Eventual Happy Ending, Exhaustion, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Keith (Voltron) Needs a Hug, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Shiro (Voltron), Sleep Deprivation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-13 05:45:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11753283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tteotl1718/pseuds/tteotl1718
Summary: alamort (adj.) - half dead of exhaustionSuddenly desperate to escape his room, to escape the voices echoing silently in the space, Keith didn’t bother grabbing his jacket, shoes or even his bayard. He stumbled quickly through the doors when they didn’t open fast enough, and didn’t bother looking up as he walked quickly through the hallways, the metal of the ship cold under his feet.Atlas had dealt with his burden for centuries, according to the legend.Keith was already crashing down, and he feared that he was bringing the team down to the ground with him.inspired by the artwork by @theprojectava on tumblr!





	Alamort

**Author's Note:**

> I highly recommend that you listen to Paralyzed by NF while you read this. Put it on loop. 
> 
> Hi guys! 
> 
> My last one shot within this setting was such a hit and i had such a blast writing it that I decided to continue it. Now, this is going to become a series, so I hope you guys are ready to be in this for the long haul. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Keith knew the story of the Titan Atlas. As a punishment for siding with Kronos in the Titan War against the Greek gods, Atlas was doomed to forever keep the sky and the earth from meeting, bearing the impossible weight on his shoulders. Pressing down, and down and down, making bones weary and muscles ache but knowing that he had to keep doing what he was, keep striding forwards in a sense.

Keith felt like he could understand Atlas’s struggle all too well these days.

Ever since the Black Lion had chosen him as its new Paladin, he felt like all he did was run into obstacles. No, he _knew_ he didn’t run into obstacles; he crashed into them, making a spectacular explosion of disorder and chaos. The team could form Voltron, true, but that didn’t mean that they were perfectly harmonious.

On top of that, there was the elusive Prince Lotor. Keith knew that he shouldn’t be worrying too much. He knew that they were searching for the Galra prince; that like Zarkon had when they first began this fight, Lotor had a target painted on his back that the team was focused on. Keith knew this, but it didn’t make it easier when the longer Lotor stayed in power, the sooner he could execute his plans and remain two steps ahead of them.

On top of _that_ , there was the team themselves. Keith had been chosen as leader, however, he was far from perfect at times. He was reckless, he was impulsive and beyond that, Pidge was right. He was the loner. He still thought too quickly of how he alone could solve any situation. Lance still challenged Keith, trying to keep the hotheaded leader in line. Hunk still was wavering with his support. Allura sometimes overstepped herself and tried to direct the team in the way that she felt was best. Keith knew that they all meant well, but if he felt like a loner before, the Black Lion made him feel like an even deeper wedge had been driven between him and the team.

But then… in it all, there was Kuron. A clone of Shiro, made by the Galra so that they could infiltrate and kill the Voltron Paladins from the inside out. Keith remembered the night that Kuron had tried to execute his mission. He remembered the glow of his metal hand near him, ready to kill him as he awoke. He remembered the agonizing conflict that had gone across Kuron’s face, and how after a moment, he had turned his hand off. To anyone else, he would still be a threat. But Keith knew people.

He knew that Kuron still had every chance to kill him, even after Keith had woken up. But he hadn’t. He had chosen to risk his own life against the Galra, against Team Voltron. All for Keith.

The team hadn’t taken too well to the news of who Kuron was, but Keith had supported him. Telling everyone that he could have killed them all by now if he had wanted to. It had been a pretty… heated debate. Lance had sided with Keith, surprisingly, but Lance was perceptive and he knew where to stand. With Lance, Hunk had followed, although somewhat hesitantly. Allura and Pidge had been against it fervently, but with some coaxing from Coran, they had begun to relax around Kuron days that followed.

Just another crack in the divide between Keith and the others, between Shiro’s leadership and Keith’s.

Keith rubbed the heel of his hand over one of his eyes roughly, darkness greeting him and providing little distraction for his chaotic thoughts. He took another deep breath, trying to calm down. He remembered the nights at the Garrison before he had met Shiro, too on edge of the new, unfamiliar places to try and get a decent sleep. He remembered hours of scrolling through his phone, getting tips to aid in sleep.

_Avoid blue light emissions that repress the production of melatonin. Avoid eating for at least two hours before sleeping. Use bed only for sleeping so your body get used to sleeping in it more easily. Maintain a sleep schedule. Regulate breathing, keeping all anxieties out of mind by writing them down._

Keith could almost laugh at how pathetic it seemed to him in hindsight, instead settling for a small, self depreciating exhale, lips quirking up weakly. Searching for ways to sleep, mastering them – but then not being able to do something so simple like falling asleep after he had come so far.

He considered going to the training deck, but he knew what would happen if he worked himself into sleep again. He had gone without sleep for a few days now. He could last a few more before he would have to be shoved into a healing pod. He would only be more tired the following day, and if Lotor and his generals did show up…

Keith grit his teeth, feeling something deep within his belly stirring. Like a beast, rattling chains against a wall as it searched for a way to be let out. Keith had felt it before, associating it with his Galra genes once he learned what he was. It was a deeper instinct, a _desire_ to fight. Something within him that pushed and pushed and pushed…. Pushed until he got what he wanted or until he couldn’t push again.

_Victory or death. Vrepit sa!_

Keith flinched and threw the blankets off of himself, pushing himself out of bed. Maybe pacing would help, just moving and not sitting there stewing in his head over and over.

He padded the length of his room, feeling like the walls were shrinking in on him as he did so despite him counting exactly thirteen steps every single time. He frowned, focusing on his steps only. Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. Pivot. One. Two. Three.

It did no good, in his head he could still feel his thoughts swirling, mocking him almost. If it wasn’t his fears for the future that were plastered into his brain, then he started thinking about how he had failed.

_Keith, we need to stick together!_

_The only way this is possible is if Galra blood runs through your veins._

_You need to make a choice!_

No.

_Keith’s the loner._

_Shiro’s right! We must destroy it!_

_Keith would be the worst leader!_

Keith pressed his hands into his eyes, hunching over a little, feeling his spine bowing, pressing against the space behind him. He tried to block out the noise, trying to reign his control back in.

_It’s my fault. I followed him right into this trap._

_You’re only thinking of yourself because you’re too scared to do what’s right!_

_You’re only thinking of yourself, as usual!_

_Keith, don’t do this!_

_I put the whole team in jeopardy._

Suddenly desperate to escape his room, to escape the voices echoing silently in the space, Keith didn’t bother grabbing his jacket, shoes or even his bayard. He stumbled quickly through the doors when they didn’t open fast enough, and didn’t bother looking up as he walked quickly through the hallways, the metal of the ship cold under his feet.

Atlas had dealt with his burden for centuries, according to the legend.

Keith was already crashing down, and he feared that he was bringing the team down to the ground with him.

~*~

Keith didn’t sleep a wink that night, but he had managed to calm down a little. He didn’t know what had gotten under his skin last night, but he had gone to the observation room, sitting with his knees to his chest as he stared at the stars, going over the names of Earth’s hidden constellations as well as learning new ones from the monitors of the room.

Having to read the names in Altean was frustrating, but since Keith was far from perfect at it, he had to keep repeating the names. It helped somewhat, to be forced to take things slower. To have something tangible to focus on.

But looking at Altean lettering and a dark canvas of space for half the night was not a helpful means of keeping him awake or waking him up in the first place. It was just as bad as staying up and getting lost in a book into the early morning hours, that ache and itchiness in one’s eyes.

Keith rubbed at them again, trying to focus as Allura and Kuron talked about Galra outposts in the area. Kuron knew the princess had her reservations about him, and while Keith defended Kuron when he could, Kuron himself seemed to keep a respectful distance and professional stance with Allura.

The clone currently was pointing at various marked areas on their map. “This one is the least active of the three, mostly due to its strange orbit. Three fourths of its rotation, just like right now, it isn’t in good position to accept or intercept ships as well as the electromagnetic activity from this system-“he gestured to an out of focused area, “is too strong of an interference.” He explained. “It doesn’t hold much beyond docking schedules, since they dump their systems on it every two hours. They have to, or the interference from the system would scramble any and all data they have.”

Allura nodded. “And the other ones you said are in use for data transfers, communication relays as well as cargo manifest?” She repeated.

Keith rubbed his eyes again, and when he looked up, he noticed Kuron’s eyes flicker to him before going back to Allura. He nodded. “That’s right. They won’t be too busy, but they will have guards. Sentries mostly, and maybe one commanding Galra officer, if that.” Kuron clarified.

Allura nodded. “Then we should strike on this one.” She said, gesturing to the further of the two. “See what information we can glean from it first, as well as establish a line of defense incase they attack here and here.” She said, gesturing to two more points. Keith couldn’t focus. Blinking a few times to clear the grit in his eyes and then closing them to refocus himself, he inwardly grumbled – not for the first time – about the lack of coffee on the ship.

“Keith?” Came Lance’s voice.

Tensing, Keith looked sharply to the others, trying not to look like he had zoned out. He spoke quickly. “Sorry. That actually sounds like a good plan, Allura.” He said, smiling to the Altean princess.

Her eyes widened a little, looking concerned. In fact, when Keith focused more, he noticed that everyone was looking at him with a similar expression. “What?” he asked. “I said it was a good plan. Being nice.” He said a little defensively.

Pidge spoke slowly, as if calculating each word. “We weren’t talking about that anymore. We were discussing signals that we’ve been receiving and whether or not we should follow leads.”

Keith tensed. “Oh… sorry, I guess I kinda-“

“Dozed off?” Coran said, voice light but Keith knew him well enough to hear the worry in his voice.

That didn’t mean he would want the team worrying for nothing. He just needed to get himself together. He was their leader now. He frowned. “I didn’t doze off. I was just thinking.” He said. “In case you guys didn’t know, there’s a lot going on and I have to keep it all fresh in my head every once in a while.”

Lance frowned. “Well, yeah, we get that, but you literally looked dead on your feet for a moment there.” He said. Keith barely heard the sharpshooter’s concern beneath the jab, aimed right in a soft spot.

Keith glared, his exhaustion rubbing against his mounting defensiveness and producing frustration. “I’m fine.” He growled, a warning in his voice. He crossed his arms and looked down, trying not to feel everyone’s eyes on him. _Please, look away. Just think that you’re safe, trust me that I can do this, I trust that I can keep everyone safe_. He pleaded to them, voice practically screaming in his mind.

Allura spoke carefully. “We are just concerned, Keith. We noticed that as of late, you haven’t been yourself. More so than usual.” She said, casting a side eyed glance at Kuron. The clone was staring at Keith with such focus, it made Allura almost shiver at its intensity. She looked back at Keith and continued. “You can open up to us. We are a team, and we want you to be safe and focused like us-“

“And _I’m_ the one that has to keep everyone safe!” Keith exploded, arms shooting down to his sides, eyes blazing despite everything that was swimming in their depths. The entire team flinched. “You guys don’t get it!” Keith said, looking down again. “I’m the one who has to make choices that endanger the team in the heat of the moment, I’m the one who sends everyone into danger when you all have _lives_ to return to, _people_ who are waiting for you! But I keep making mistakes, things keep getting too close-“

Keith’s vision was suddenly filled with grey and black as Kuron was there, grabbing his elbow and steering him from the bridge, Keith only going because he had been so shocked and so startled by the use of his strength against Keith. Kuron pulled him from the bridge and let the doors close behind them with a hiss.

Keith glared at the back of Kuron’s head, waiting for a rebuttal or a scolding. Something that Shiro would have done. Or even being scolded in front of the others, calmed right then and there or told to stand down. Something.

But when Kuron turned to him, it was jarring to see concern and worry written across his face instead of someone who expected more. Someone who would have addressed what just happened without preamble. Keith felt his anger melt away, confused and tired, but eyes wide, drinking in the sight before him.

“Everything okay? You seemed like you’ve been holding that in for a while.” Kuron spoke gently, right to Keith instead of at him.

Keith stared for a few moments before he had to look away. “I said I’m fine.” He murmured, unable to muster up his anger.

Kuron stayed where he was, ducking his head to try and find Keith’s eyes again. “Keith.” He said quietly and Keith was certain that that was what broke him. Hearing Shiro’s voice used so gently, so persistently, knowing that it wasn’t Shiro in front of him but someone else, someone who wasn’t Shiro, someone who wanted him-

He inhaled sharply, feeling his throat constrict and his vision blur once more. His shoulders shook a little, despite him trying to keep it together. “I-I can’t, Kuron…” he whispered simply, voice sounding so thin and weak, like wet paper.

Suddenly, strong arms wrapped around him, pressing him safely into a strong chest, gentle hands going through his hair as one wrapped around his waist. Keith instantly raised his hands, clutching at the strong shoulders as he pressed his eyes into that familiar chest, inhaling the scent. It was so like Shiro, but also… not. And in a better way. Shiro smelled like lightning and energy, a rainstorm crashing around someone, unrestrained. Kuron’s smell was soothing, gentle. Like ozone and the air before it rains. A calm before a storm.

Kuron rubbed his back. “You’re not alone, Keith. Voltron is made of five lions; it is what makes him such a strong warrior.” Kuron murmured.

Keith went to pull away, not wanting to hear this, not _needing_ to hear about Voltron again-

“But you also forget that you’re made of many people as well.” Kuron pressed. Keith stopped and lifted his head to look up at him, waiting.  

Kuron gazed at him with such tenderness, the grey in his eyes so light. “You’re your parents. Your father taught you to survive and your mother gave you your knife. A link to your heritage.” Keith opened his mouth to protest, but Kuron touched his lips to silence him with his fingers. The words died in Keith’s throat, eyes still wide as he waited. Kuron didn’t remove his hand and he continued.

“You’re a cadet of the Galaxy Garrison of Earth, you’re a soldier. You’re a pilot, a Paladin of the Voltron Lions.” He murmured. “They chose you for a reason.” He lowered his hand, cupping Keith’s cheek and Keith closed his eyes as he nuzzled into the touch, seeking comfort. Kuron pressed his forehead to the side of Keith’s head, murmuring into his ear. “You’re a Galra, but you’re also a Blade of Marmora. You’re a leader to Voltron, the new Paladin of the Black Lion. You’re strong and people are pulled to you as light is drawn to a black hole.”

Kuron’s other hand left Keith’s hip and cupped his face, Keith opening his eyes to look right at him.

“You’re also human, Keith. You’re a living thing. You deserve to treat yourself as one, and that includes taking care of yourself.” Keith felt something in his chest twist as Kuron kissed his forehead.

“You need rest. Come on.” He put an arm around Keith, warm and real and secure. Keith leaned into him, feeling his exhaustion circling him now. It no longer felt like a hurricane, raging around him, keeping him on edge. It instead felt like a gentle current now, carrying him to a bank that was waiting. Calling for him to come to.

Kuron led him to Keith’s bedroom and guided him inside. He gingerly helped Keith sit, and when Keith fumbled with kicking off his shoes, Kuron knelt and took them off.

Keith yawned, rubbing at his eyes as they watered up again. “I’m tired, not invalid.” He grumbled, unable to help himself.

Kuron chuckled, face relaxed and eyes down as he took the boots off. “I know.” He murmured.

Keith shrugged off his jacket lazily and let it fall to the ground. Kuron set it aside, looking up at Keith from where he was still kneeling beside the bed.

For a clear moment, Keith knew that he had been wrong. He kept thinking of Shiro first and then Kuron, thinking of memories and then catching back up to the present. He had accepted Kuron the moment that he saw him with his glowing palm inches from Keith’s neck. But here he was, still there with Keith as Kuron and not Shiro. Still there because he had made a choice to leave behind his mission for a future that was more uncertain than even Keith’s own.

Kuron got up, grabbing Keith’s blanket and froze when Keith took his shirt off, groaning at the effort and the struggle that he was going through.

“W-What are you doing?” Kuron asked.

Keith yawned, head popping out from his shirt even as his arms remained trapped. “I sleep better when I’m cold.” He mumbled, leaving his shirt on and taking his belt off easily.

Kuron nodded and waited as Keith settled down on the bed. Keith felt uncertainty flicker through his mind as Kuron gently draped the blanket over him, turning to get comfortable. What if he couldn’t sleep?

Kuron pat Keith’s head again, gently sweeping his hair from his face before he stood, turning to leave.

Keith panicked.

He was grabbing Kuron’s fingers before he could think, voice shattering the comfortable silence. “Wait.” He was shaking, looking at Kuron’s face as the clone turned to look at Keith, startled and worry instantly written across his face. Keith stared at him, practically feeling how his eyes were pleading with the other man. “Can you stay? Just until I fall asleep.”

 _Please_.

Kuron blinked a few times and smiled weakly, turning to look at him as he knelt down by the bedside, readjusting Keith’s grip in his hands. “Until you fall asleep.” He agreed quietly, holding their hands together.

Keith stared at him, finding the comfort in Shiro’s features and in Kuron’s presence. His eyes kept flickering between his eyes, his lips, his nose, his scar, his hair – it was all him. It as all too much. He felt the current of his exhaustion pick up, threatening to pull him back again, away from the shore-

Kuron suddenly spoke, gentle. “Do you need me to be with you? Shiro… Shiro helped once that way when you were having nightmares at the Garrison.”

Keith froze, remembering the very night that Kuron had mentioned. Keith was more reserved because Iverson had mentioned his family, making Keith feel like there was something wrong with him for not having a family. That he couldn’t be a pilot, that he would have no future. Shiro had frowned, and without a single warning, pulled Keith to his chest, and sat them down on the futon in the older man’s room, drawing a blanket up to Keith’s shoulders. Keith had fallen asleep that night with his ear pressed to Shiro’s heartbeat, reminding himself that someone was there. Someone was with him. Someone was real, not the taunting spectres that had been crowding his dreams.

It had been the best night of sleep that Keith had had in a long time.

Keith nodded now, looking at Kuron and not seeing Shiro for the first time. “Please.”

Kuron took his shoes, belt and gloves off, and then after a moment's hesitation, he took his vest off as well and then climbed into bed behind Keith. Keith turned slightly to watch him over his shoulder, body tensed. He was scared that this was a mistake. 

Kuron lay right behind him, close enough that Keith could feel the heat rolling off of him. Keith hesitated and then scooted back, pressing against him. When Kuron stiffened, Keith reached behind him and gently took his hands, grabbing his wrists, and pulling them around him. Getting the message, the clone pulled Keith flush to him, nuzzling his neck after a moment's hesitation. 

Keith turned his head, closing his eyes as Kuron nuzzled then into the side of his face, gentle and reassuring. 

Keith felt so safe, wrapped completely in Kuron and the scent of ozone. Like lightning right before it strikes, so unlike lightning when it lands, arching cruelly through the skies. Keith's brain slowly became fuzzy with exhaustion, his body finally giving in. He tried to remember what it was that reminded him of lightning strikes and rainstorms when all he could smell was ozone and cool rain air. 

A gentle voice, one that Keith felt like he knew in his gut, nuzzled the back of his head again as he cuddled into the pillows. "Rest, Keith. We need you just like you need us." 

Keith could barely reply with a soft sound of reassurance. Lance had been right. He was half dead. But just now, with warmth and rain wrapped around him, Keith felt more alive. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you guys think in the comments below or join me on my [tumblr](https://tteotl1718.tumblr.com) so that we can talk about this series (what you guys expect from it, any questions and/or head canons)!
> 
> Till next time!


End file.
